This post is a parody of Barney Stinton’s Playbook from How I Met Your Mother. If you’re not familiar with the show, here is a useful link http://coed.com/2010/11/21/the-top-10-plays-from-barney-stinsons-playbook/
Florentino Perez, a successful businessman and a fantastic president for Real Madrid. Throughout his years of mandate, we have seen the unthinkable happen in terms of arrivals. He has revolutionized the market not once, not twice but multiple times. It almost seems like as if he gets who ever he wants. Before players know it, they are laying semi naked on a Sanitas bed giving the thumbs up for the world to see. It seems as if no signing ever goes down normal. But, what are his techniques?
1. The napkin: This techniques involves sitting at the same table as the target and simply writing down on a napkin “Do you want to play for Real Madrid?”. Flawless plan.
2. The “daddy is home”: Sometimes players are attached to other institutions who think that a price tag they have put on a player will scare of Don Florentino. Oh, you want 75 pounds? Here, have 80 pounds, Manchester United, keep the change. Daddy is home and Cristiano Ronaldo too.
3. The hard to get: Go out to the media and tell them you have “never, never, never” contacted a player or his team. Then when they have their guard down, voilá, David Beckham is yours. Spice up your life.
4. The no one is untouchable: You may think one of your classic rival’s captain is untouchable but you might have to think again. 5 years at Real Madrid’s archival team was not enough to keep Luis Figo from resisting from Florentino Perez’s charm and 60M Euros. Lesson? If you want someone, just go for it, there are no limits.
5. The get them when they’re vulnerable: After a great World Cup campaign, Mesut Ozil and Sami Khedira were near the end of their contract with their teams. Players who would be worth upwards of 30-40M euros if they had years left in their contract, Florentino got for 10-12M euros as they headed to the last year of their contract. They were snatched from their teams, who were hopeless into making them stay.
6. The age is just a number: You have to keep an eye out for everyone, young or old, do not discriminate. Raphael Varane, exhibit A.
7. The diditforthelulz: Even if Florentino thinks a catch has just a bit of success potential, he will sign him. Thomas Gravesen, 2005, 3.6M Euros. Pur qué?
8. The Oops I did it again: Real Madrid’s cantera is one of the best in the world but they have perhaps the toughest competition in the first team. As such, many canteranos are let go and then paid for on the way back. Arbeloa and Granero: 4M, Carvajal 6.5M.
9. The Ballon D’Or winner collector: If he has a Ballon D’Or, go ahead, make a move. Kaká, Zinedine Zidane, Cristiano Ronaldo, Ronaldo..
10. The Coach pleaser: If your coach wants a player, bring him, forget about the price tag, bring him now. Fabio Coentrao, 30M and happy Jose Mourinho.
11. The Rebel and Come With Me: Convince them coming with you is the best for them and the only option in their future. See Luka Modric
12. The Shut Up and Take My Money: a technique yet to be seen. Rumored to have been put into practice on Tottenham for Gareth Bale.
More to come…